The Dakkanya Phenomena
by practical cynicism
Summary: All those seeminglyimpossible feats that the GB crew pulls off day by day, or simply the wacky things that happen to them that you never paid that much attention to.


**Summary: **All those seemingly-impossible feats that the GB crew pulls off day by day, or simply the wacky things that happen to them that you never paid that much attention to.

**A/N ** This fic is told in Ginji's POV, as his inquisitive and sometimes clueless personality is perfectly fitting for the role of the commentator of all the "mysterious" things that are observed in the anime. Just the anime and not the manga, as I've never seen a single volume of it before—and even if I did, I wouldn't understand a word of it, as I do not have the ability to read, speak, and understand Japanese. No offense whatsoever is intended, and if you can't take any slight taken against GetBackers, no matter how light, then don't read this. If you can, and if you're blessed with a sense of humor, then give it a try, won't you?

**The Dakkanya Phenomena**

**By Dimantrien**

There are a lot of things I don't understand.

Most of the time, Ban-chan explains things to me (albeit in an exasperated, how-can-you-not-_know_-this kind of tone), but even Ban-chan, smart as he is, doesn't have the answers to everything.

Like how Akabane-san can store _108_ scalpels inside his body and make them come out at will. Doesn't all that titanium and ceramic ever poison his blood or something? I mean, _normal _people would probably die of tetanus or whatever disease if they had even a small amount of metal running through their veins…then again, Akabane can hardly be classified as a "normal" person. Possible blood poisoning aside, how does he get them to transform from liquid to sharp and extremely lethal operating knives? How???

I'd ask him myself, except I'm too scared he might suddenly whip out the weapons in question and make sushi out of me…and the way he stares at me, like a hungry cat waiting to devour a mouse, is just too _creepy. _I really hate it when I'm alone with him…

The bells above the door of the café jingle, signaling the presence of a new customer. Natsumi-chan's cheerful "Irasshaimashite!" rang through the room as the person stepped inside. I glanced up, hoping to distract myself from everything that reminded me of a certain homicidal, bloodbath-happy—

AHHH!!! It's _him! _ What's he doing here?!

"Good afternoon, Ginji-kun," Akabane greeted politely and pleasantly, tipping his hat slightly and, much to my extreme discomfort, sitting on the stool right next to me.

Waaaah Where's Ban-chan when I need him???

"A-a-akabane-san!!!" I managed to stutter, straining to keep the terror out of my voice. "W-what are you doing here?"

Natsumi appeared in front of us and put down a steaming cup of coffee in front of Akabane, her usual smile ever-present on her face. Akabane in turn thanked her and took a sip of his drink, smiling in that disturbing way of his, when you don't know whether he would suddenly stab you in the back or simply exchange a few courteous words. "I was merely passing the time until I start my job, and thought of getting a cup of coffee on the way. Or would you rather we do something a little more interesting?" In a split second three of his gleaming scalpels popped up in his clenched right fist, and I tried to put as much distance between us as my stool would allow, abandoning all attempts of trying to ask him how he could make those things come out in the first place. 

I was almost crying in fright as I turned to Natsumi-chan or Wan Paul for help—but they mysteriously disappeared into the staff room. Why did they leave me with him? It's against the law to be left alone with Dr. Jackal!!!

"Well? What do you say, Ginji-kun?" Akabane asked amusedly, and at that moment I felt myself shrinking rapidly and turning into something that resembles a stuffed toy. I do that often—Ban-chan always tells me that I have two forms, but there are actually three: Raitei, Amano Ginji, and Chibi-Ginji. It's really amazing. When I'm Raitei, almost nothing can stop me, and when I'm my normal self I'm only a little less powerful than Raitei and can fend for myself really well. But when I'm Chibi-Ginji…my height drops from 176 cm to something a little more than one foot, and Ban-chan can easily punch me on the head and it _really hurts_. My weight changes drastically too—even girls can carry me easily when I'm in this form, like Clayman and Natsumi-chan, and she's 17 kg lighter than me!

Anyway…I seem to have forgotten something…

"Does this silence mean 'yes,' Ginji-kun?" Akabane questioned, his amethyst eyes glancing hungrily from the blades in his hand to me and back again.

I froze for a moment, feeling the cold sweat on my back. "N-NO! I'm supposed to w-wait for Ban-chan, I mean, he told me to s-stay here and—aren't you going to be late, Akabane-san?" I asked the last part hopefully, wishing hard that he would decide to go on his way and start his job already.

"I appreciate your concern for my job, Ginji-kun, but I assure you that there is no need. I have an hour left before meeting my client."

I felt like a bucket of ice was cascading down my stomach. "Well, I…uh…but…" As if on cue, the door opened, admitting Kazuki. I have never been so relieved to see him before. "Kazu-chan!" I exclaimed, glomping him, which is relatively easy in my chibi form.

"Konnichiwa, Ginji-san," Kazuki said in return, appearing a little quizzical at my more-than-a-bit-enthusiastic greeting. The cat-bells in his hair chimed softly at the sudden impact.

"It appears that you have other company at this time. Very well, Ginji-kun, I shall leave for today…but do not hesitate to approach me whenever you feel like taking up my offer…" Akabane smiled that cat-eyed smile of his and stood up, exiting the café.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief. No _way _am I going to voluntarily ask him for a match, not in this lifetime. Glad that he was finally gone, I performed a back flip and—hey presto!—I'm back to my normal height and bodily proportions again. I sank down on my stool, thanking the gods that I was still alive and not sliced into a mass of bloody pieces. Wan Paul and Natsumi emerged from the back room, probably sensing that the danger had come and gone, and Natsumi proceeded to bustle about and prepare Kazuki's coffee.

"Arigato, Kazu-chan. You really saved my life back there," I told him gratefully. I mentally promised to pledge my undying loyalty to him and…wait, it was already the other way around. sweatdrop

Kazuki smiled. "There's no need to be so serious, Ginji-san. I'm sure Akabane was just teasing you." His cat-bells emitted a melodious note once again as he leaned forward to get a pack of sugar on the counter.

Now there's another thing to wonder about. It never ceases to amaze me how so much string can fit in those tiny bells. Even a normal bobbin can't keep so much thread at once—and there's probably even less space inside the circular hollows. And if there's a possibility (and I know there is, but it's just _unexplainable_) that all those string _could _fit inside them, how can Kazuki keep the strings from getting tangled up with each other? Sure, he's the heir of the Fuchoin Ryu and everything, but he must have gone through a hell of a training to perfect _that. _Kazuki takes his fighting school seriously, though, so it's probably not a good idea to pester him on the subject. Maybe I should ask Jubei…

Speaking of Jubei, I don't get how he can throw his Flying Needles around while he's battling…and _never run out of them. _He's not like Akabane, who keeps his scalpels inside his body, and as far as I know Jubei has only _six _needles at any one time—three in his right hand and three in his left. Don't even ask me from what dimension he pulls _those _out from, in any case, they just appear when he finds a suitable target. He throws all six at one point, and when he supposedly runs out, he miraculously has more of them in his hands! But you never see any needles littering up the battlefield either! Do his weapons have a retrieving mechanism or something? You know—he throws them, and when the opponent's busy dodging the last three needles he just threw, he summons back the first three and before you know it, he's got his ammunition back again!

I wish Ban-chan and I had that summoning power…whatever that is…it'd make getting back items much easier. Can you imagine just willing stuff to fly your way? We'd be filthy rich fast if we could do that…

And just 'cause we're on the topic of weapons mysteriously materializing back into their owners' hands… Himiko can do the same too! Remember when she was locked in a cell with Hevn (Wait a minute…I'm not supposed to know about that…) during the IL mission? When did she get her perfumes back (aside from the process perfume that her body creates)? This is evidently a scene portraying the mysterious sudden-appearance-of-weapons-at-will… The only other explanation could be that she really _had _her little-bottle-things with her—and that would mean that the footmen who threw her in the cell were stupid enough _not _to confiscate anything lethal that she had on her, which is pretty…stupid, if you ask me. When she was fighting Kagami Kyoji in Episode 20—eh, I mean, when we were retrieving the IL—he practically stripped her of everything when she was supposed to be sacrificed! (yet another incident that I'm not supposed to know about… so let's just assume that Ban-chan told me all about it after the mission, OK?) That includes not just her clothes, but also her seven poison perfumes, too. And I'm sure Kagami isn't dumb enough to leave her with her weapons in case she somehow escapes him…so how in the world did she have her Acceleration Perfume ready when Ban-chan used the Jagan on Kagami and she escaped from the sacrificing table?! She had only a blanket on…so where did her perfume come from?

Weapons behaving in an all-too-favorable manner towards their wielders isn't very uncommon, to say the least. Take Emishi for example. I'm positive that that whip he keeps tucked into his pants is just a decoy! When he brings out the _real _Loulan Whip, it's noticeably a lot thicker and longer, certainly impossible to stash behind your back and conceal within your jacket without making a huge, conspicuous lump. So that proves that Emishi carries a fake whip with him too!

And what about Sakura? She has the same ability as her younger brother—pulling out her sash/ribbon/tapestry thing from thin air—and her weapon manages to stretch itself very conveniently to the desired length that is adequate to bind the opponent! She doesn't look like she carries that much fabric with her either, so where does she hide all the extra yards of cloth? Hmmm…there's really more to the Kakei Ryu than I thought…

All in all, the ex-VOLTS members seem to have this strange technique in common. I think I'm the only one who's been kept in the dark—

"ITAI!!!" I warped back into Chibi-Ginji as an all-too-familiar fist collided with my head. "Ban-chan! You're here! Wait—what'd you do that for?!"

Ban-chan pushed his sunglasses up farther on the bridge of his nose and simply said, "You had a weird look on your face. It can't have meant anything good."

"Hidoi, Ban-chan! I was just thinking!" I pouted, rubbing my sore head (I quickly changed back into my normal form to avoid any more unnecessary damage—as you probably know by now, I'm more susceptible to attacks when in chibi form, and the impact of each—in other words, the pain— is _tripled._).

"_Thinking_?" Ban-chan placed his right hand on my forehead and smirked. "You don't feel warm…"

I glared at him for a second, then asked, "Ne, Ban-chan, do we have any money left?" I know he had just gone from paying the towing fee for when he parked the Beetle in front of a "No Parking" sign.

Ban-chan cringed slightly. "Uh…no. That last towing fee really cleaned us out…"

Waaah "What are we gonna do now? I'm really hungry! And Master won't give us any food!" I whined, looking pointedly at Paul with watery eyes. Paul didn't even flinch and went on reading his newspaper.

"Urusai na! If you didn't accidentally electrify those fliers and make them catch fire, then we would be on a mission right now, making money!" Ban-chan snapped.

"But Ban-chan, we still had a lot of money even then! It was your fault you deliberately parked in front of that sign!" He replied by punching me on the head again, and I lay sprawled on the counter in my chibi form.

Ban-chan sat sulking and cursing about stupid towing fees being so expensive, while I stared mournfully at the counter, trying to ignore my growling stomach. I don't know why Ban-chan has such an unhealthy habit of parking in tow-zones. You'd think that after the first few times of accidentally doing so and having to pay a huge sum of money on parking tickets, he'd be completely repelled by them. That's where most of our money goes, and even if we get a big remuneration from our clients, those fees manage to suck all of it up. Our bad luck with money is another unexplainable mystery. It _always_ disappears before we know it, one way or the other! That's why we never get to rent a decent apartment, and we always have to sleep in the Beetle! Do you know how uncomfortable it is to sleep in such a small car?

"Here you go, Ginji-san." I stirred at the sound of Kazuki's voice and looked down, and to my delight there was a whole pizza right in front of me! Wai, Kazu-chan is so nice!

"For me? Arigato, Kazu-chan!!!" I dug in immediately. Ban-chan was too distracted with muttering colorful profanities under his breath to notice, and I took advantage of his lack of attention by chewing as fast as possible, trying to finish the whole thing before he snapped to.

Kazuki just smiled and went on drinking his coffee. He's lucky, _he_ doesn't have any bad luck with money at all—I don't even know where he gets his source of income from, he only takes jobs with us occasionally and I don't think he has a part-time job.  

Well, there is that one time at the hospital though… I really couldn't believe it was _Kazu-chan _in that nurse's uniform… He's a man, so he's supposed to be flat-chested, but I could _swear _that he wasn't quite…two-dimensional…in the torso area back then! And that time at the hot springs? When I first looked at him from the back, I'd bet my last yen (not that I have even that…sweatdrop) that that was a woman's profile…I mean, he had narrow shoulders and curves and everything. Plus all that long, silky brown hair... I'm sure most people who have seen him for the first time would mistake him for a girl! I admit that even _I _thought so, and so did Jubei! I wouldn't be surprised if he's been hit on by guys before, seeing as he looks so much like a real girl…and even better than some.

Note to self: Ask Kazu-chan (when he's in a _really _good mood) if he isn't really a girl in disguise as a boy who looks like a girl. Ummm, did that make sense? Probably not.

I don't think I can keep tabs on who to ask what anymore… I have this sudden urge to visit my friends in the Infinite Castle and ask them all these questions before I drive myself crazy wondering how they can pull off all the extraordinary things they do. As soon as I finished my pizza (Ban-chan didn't even notice, that recent loss of money must've hit him harder than I thought), I asked him, armed with my best puppy-dog look, "Ne, Ban-chan, let's go to Mugenjou…"

Ban-chan looked at me grumpily. "What the hell should we do that for? Computer boy's not in trouble, and there's no way I'm wasting gas money on taking a road trip, we're broke enough as it is," he crossly responded.

I turned up my puppy-dog eyes full blast. "Demo…I haven't seen my friends in a long time, and we don't have a job right now anyway! C'mon, just this once, pleeeaaase…?" There's no way he can resist the puppy-dog eyes. Nobody can. Its success rate is even higher than that of our retrieval abilities. It's my most dangerous weapon!

See, Ban-chan's glare is softening already…this is almost too easy, hehehe… "Taku, stop looking at me with that stupid face! Fine, we're going…" He stood and put up quite a show of looking annoyed, but I know he's just trying to hide the grin on his face.

"Wai! Ban-chan's the greatest!!!" I leapt up and glomped him.

"What do you think you're doing?! Stop hugging me, or I'll change my mind…" he threatened, but it was no use, he had already given in.

I jumped off him and raced to the door. "Ikou, ikou! Hayaku, Ban-chan!"

"Tch. Don't get so excited," Ban-chan muttered, falling into step behind me.

Half an hour later, we were walking (more precisely, Ban-chan was lazily strutting and I was running) through the streets of Lower Town, now bustling and full of activity. Makubex has really outdone himself this time; I should go and tell him that later. For now…oh yeah, where were we? I've got a couple more things to ponder.    

Madoka and Jubei are blind, right? Well, ever notice the instances when they act like they can see? Sometimes, I see Madoka-chan directing a comment to a certain person, then _looks at the precise direction where that person is sitting/standing/whatever-other-position-ing. _Seriously. Even when Mozart's not with her. And this happens _before_ the other person speaks, so she couldn't possibly know where that person is beforehand. Unless she could smell them or something…but even so, even a blind girl's heightened sense of smell couldn't be _that _good, to be able to pinpoint the exact location of a certain thing, right?

Now, about Jubei. His ability to "see without seeing" is much more evident, as sight is so vital in battles and such. He uses his flying needles, and such weapons require accuracy and pin-point-precision, so being blind and managing to hurl them straight at an enemy is nothing short of a miracle. Not that I'm underestimating Jubei's skills—it's just that it's near impossible to have such a huge handicap in battle _and _still be able to perform the moves exceptionally. You can argue that his ears are much sharper now that he's blind, but still, nobody blind can pull off a perfect bull's eye unless they trained it for a few good years, at the very least. Jubei hasn't been sightless for a very long time, yet he moves as if he _weren't _blind at all. And outside of battle? No problem, he can actually read maps and floor plans, as was clearly seen in Episode 39…uhm…I mean, when I was hospitalized (yeah, yeah, there was no possible way that I could see that).

"Oi, Ginji! Can't you slow down for even a second?!" Ban-chan called behind me a little exasperatedly.

I looked over my shoulder and grinned at him, ignoring his orders to stop running. "You're the slowpoke! Come on, just a little more and—" A sudden pain shot through my stomach and I stopped, wrapping my arms around my middle. "Itai…"

Ban-chan jogged over to me and rolled his eyes. "I told you to stop running. What's wrong with you now?"

"Stomachache," I answered mournfully, wincing at the pain. "It must be because of the whole pizza that I ate half an hour ago…"

"Baka. Didn't anybody ever tell you not to run after eating a lo—PIZZA?! _When did you eat pizza?_" he demanded, strangling me.

"Wah…Ban-chan, I can't breathe…" I whimpered, prying his hands from my neck. It took a while (he doesn't have a 200 kg grip for nothing), but he calmed down soon enough.

"Teme, Ginji, how dare you eat pizza without telling me! I haven't eaten anything decent for _days_ and all you do is keep _everything _for yourself and…" Ban-chan went on ranting along in this vein for some time. --;; This is what hunger does to people…

A sharp twinge in my stomach reminded me of my situation once again. "Ban-chan…my stomach _really _hurts…" I complained, effectively cutting off his tirade.

Ban-chan sighed huffily. "Do I look like a doctor to you? Don't complain so much, you got yourself into this mess—"

"Doctor? I know! Let's go to Gen-san!" I started running again with renewed energy, only to feel another painful tug in my abdomen. "Itaaaiiii…" Ban-chan rolled his eyes again, idly lighting a cigarette and following me.

A moment later we were standing in Gen's pharmacy. He had just given me a small bottle that contained a nasty-tasting liquid in it, but no matter, at least my stomach doesn't hurt anymore. Ban-chan was busy devouring the snacks that Gen had laid out for our visit. Ren, Gen's granddaughter, was busy typing away on a laptop. Now that I felt much better again, another question popped into my head.

"Ne, Ren-chan," I started cheerfully, plopping down onto a seat beside her.

"A…Hai?" she answered, startled. She looked more than a little unsettled. I heard from Kazuki that she was a big fan of VOLTS. Why are people so intimidated by Raitei? I'm not _that_ scary…

I smiled at her, pulling out my last speculation of the day. "Remember when we were trying to get back the IL? You and Gen-san helped a lot of my friends when they were injured, right?"

"Well, it was the least we could do," Ren replied politely, a bit embarrassed. "Oji-chan did most of the work, though…"

"I'm sure you'll be just as good as Gen-san at healing people!" I remarked encouragingly, eliciting a humble "Arigato, Ginji-san" from her. "But what I really wanted to ask you was about their clothes."

Ren's eyebrows shot up, and her shy expression turned to one of confusion. "…Clothes?"

I nodded happily. "Their old clothes were sure to be in a sorry state when they got here back then, 'cause they just went through fighting, right? So you gave them something new to change into."

"Of course." Ren looked thoroughly bewildered now.

"Well, I just thought that you must own a wide range of outfits! You lent Kazu-chan, Emishi and Himiko-chan some of it, and the clothes they wore when they got back look a lot like the ones they had on previously! You even have the same kind of shirt that Ban-chan has… Hevn-san brought it to him, and it looked _exactly _like what he wears!"

Ren blinked. "Anou…"

"But it's weird…I just can't picture you or Gen-san wearing the kind of clothes that they do!"

Ren was silent and looked extremely unnerved.

I leapt up, a triumphant grin on my face. "I knew it! You run a pharmacy on the surface, but secretly your business is supplying everybody's wardrobe! How else could you have such an extensive line of clothing?" I turned into Chibi-Ginji and started my famous fan dance when Ban-chan whapped me on the head.

"_Itai_, Ban-chan…"

"Um…we've got pills for a headache! I'll go get it!" Ren said hurriedly, jumping up and scurrying to another room.

I looked up at Ban-chan, clutching painfully at my head. "What did I do?"

"Tch. Don't scare the poor kid like that. Now stop talking about stupid things and let's just get this trip over with." Ban-chan headed for the door and I trailed behind him, half thinking that it might be a good idea if I waited for Ren-chan and those pills.

"But I was just asking her a question…"

Ban-chan opened the door and we stepped out. He just shook his head.

"I'm getting worried about you. You're not supposed to think this much."

**-::_Owari_::-**

**A/N **Um…not as funny as I'd have wanted it to be. Guess I'm just not cut out for humor fics… In any case, a review would be nice. ****


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